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Monday, 26 January 2009

so

i am sick of my job at the moment. well ive actually been sick of it for a while only because the
people that i deal with on a day to day basis are fucking ridiculous and stupid at times.
whenever i find a new job, i either end up with shitty hours, or other bullshit ordeals,
therefore i look for other jobs, that are more constant and steady, you know, work that
i want to do and i know i can do/handle, but i for some reason would never be qualified .
i dont know why, but when i sho that i am interested, i never get the call back, etc... then when
i go there, i see that they hired a shit load of either old fucking people, or, kids that are younger than
me which doesnt make any sense whatsoever, since i am an adult, and i am reliable, etc. all of that crap haha.
so out of all of the jobs i look for, i find one that actually seemed to work out, i mean the hours are
steady which is like 40 to 48 hours a week, and it is laid back which is how i am. its at a gas station and
i know people probably assume that its a pretty easy and laid back/lzy job but, holy shit! it is like
a fucking looney bin! i swear, it used to be fun, but now its just too fucking much for me. i cant
stand people anymore. everybody pisses me off and i cant stand the fucking pay because it is
shitty for the shit that i/we put up with. im not trying to complain about pay because i am thankful that i have a job
but fuck! dealing with people who are assholes, retards, bitches, jives, etc, can push your nerves to the fucking edge. i have my nice customers, regulars mainly, who are cool and whatnot, but the others who i described
with by the language, ruin your fucking day so bad. i mean i can put up with a lot of shit, but after so long, it gets old and you want to go apeshit on somebody's face, for asking a really unintelligent question, saying something really fucking stupid, being a fucking creep or wierdo, being a bitch, asshole, cunt, prick, pointing out the obvious, the list just goes on. this job is/was a learning expierience and gives you a different outlook on people. i guess it just shows you how people can really make you go fucking crazy over small, stupid shit. all i can say is i used to be able to tolerate a lot, but now, i have limited tolerance and it sucks. i need to find a new fucking job, that doesnt deal with the public. fuvk gas stations haha

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Currently
Awaken the Dreamers
By All Shall Perish
see related
It has....

been a long while. a lot has changed, more for the good mainly.
there will always be the up and downs that come and go but
you tend to find a way around or through it.
i know ive exhiled myself from a lot of people except for the very very small few,
which they/mainly you,should know who they/you, are. i wouldn't go as far to
say that i've abandoned all of my friends or anything, there's just those who
are into there own thing, just like how ive been into my own thing. i spend most of my days
mainly with my girlfriend because she brings me that happiness that i once wasn't sure about.
i know i've made dumb mistakes but i don't dwell on them. i can see clearly.
it just really gets me how ignorant, people you once knew, can be. yeah after a long
absence from somebody, you lose touch with them. people start doing their own things,
they make new friends. they meet people that are more suitable for them. etc,etc...
there isn't anything wrong with asking about how they've been n such. i just find it completely
arrogant to blame it on something along the lines as being "pussy whooped."
i never knew that there was anything wrong with spending the majority of your
time with somebody you care about, nor do i see anything wrong with it.
me and amber have grown into more than just boyfriend and girlfriend, but best friends.
people may not understand why i dont talk to them anymore or if i do, its
only brief, and i dont expect them too. its just ive found what ive wanted and need. a few ups and downs came along the line but once you get past those insecurities of questioning,
and whatever else prevails, you realize, that only you can see what makes you happy, etc.
all i can say is, a lot happened. i found what keeps me breathing.
selfishness or not. i don't really care.